The NEVER thread

[TheCapitalist]

Well, couldn't think of a top ten, but here is the start of a list do's and don'ts:

1. Never play devil's advocate in Sunday school!
2. Never pick up women at the Health Department!

[eyescene]

Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill

[Guru]

NEVER say never.

[bpitt]

Never spit into the wind.
Never pull on Superman's cape.
Never take FishBait's Crown Royal from him.

[pooker]

Never sleep on a top bunk if you cant stay still while you sleep
never do back flips your first time on cement

[EricStratton]

Never sit with your back to the door
Never talk about a nightmare before breakfast
Never take a sip of a stranger's drink (especially at a Widespread Panic concert in 1996)

[pooker]

Never try to pee then hold it for three hours

[Guru]

Never return a hello to the woman with the thick jaw and prominent adam's apple on Bourbon Street even IF you are from out of town and just being country friendly at 2am.

[eyescene]

Never walk with a QTip in your ear.

[bpitt]

Never prod a bull, with a cattle prod, while standing in front of him, in a wide open field, with no tree to climb.

[SoMissTV]

Never fake the funk on a nasty dunk.

[Flowergirl]

Never tell your momma to shut up just a minute and you will explain the matches in your coat pocket.

[BassCatter]

Never start a sentence out with "Well your damn momma......" when speaking with your bride.

[pooker]

Never get married :(

[Flowergirl]

Never say you'll never get married again.

[hendrixfreak70]

Nunca habla espanol en Senior Tancredo's casa!

[CircusRide]

Never go to the deerstand with a 16 oz. bottle when you've got a 32 oz. bladder.

[bpitt]

Nunca habla espanol en Senior Tancredo's casa!

Huh? I'll take a taco grande and a pepsi, please.

[Ranchero]

Never utter the words, "Your sister looks hot."

[bpitt]

Better yet, never utter the words, "Your mom is hot!"

[CircusRide]

Never fry bacon in the nude.

[bpitt]

Never say you're gonna kill more deer than Circusrides' daughter, cuz you won't.....

[CircusRide]

Never come here looking for Fuzzis.

[bpitt]

That's a good one.....

[Fotno]

Don't be surprised if you see her here one day.
I highly doubt you'll see her here very long though.
She won't have any power over here and I don't think she could stand it.

[Hawkeye]

Never squat on your spurs
and never ever try to take a dump on bear trap.

Oh yeah, never store you Prep H Cool Gel next to your toff paste. :D

[pooker]

Never pay a cop to beat someone up for you

[CircusRide]

Never put your snuff in your foreskin while you brush your teeth.

[Flowergirl]

Never put your snuff in your foreskin while you brush your teeth.

:eek::eek:
:rolleyes:

[Echo Four Bravo]

Never sneak up on a sleeping Pit Bull, unless you can get to the end of his chain before he can.

[TheCapitalist]

Never piss the wife off too bad. As she says, you have to sleep sometime!

[hendrixfreak70]

Never poke a badger with a spoon, or run with scissors.

[big john]

never use a soldering iron to remove moles.
it works real good untill ya miss.

[TheCapitalist]

Never weld naked.

[TheCapitalist]

or fry food.

[Dumb_Arse_Here]

Never use a physician or tattoo artist who uses the words 'discount' or 'irregular' in their advertisements.